Escape

I've been feeling down lately. Oh yes, down. I've done bad things, and that's why I'm feeling down. Horrible things. Oh yes, horrible things. There was a nice old lady nextdoor who I spoke to alot. But now I don't do it anymore. Because I've done some horrible things, oh yes. There was a woman who I visited quite often. But I don't visit her anymore, becasue I've done horrible things. My friend who knew everything about me, doesn't do that anymore. Oh I have done some horrible things. But that doesn't matter when I escape. I escape to my world. My world doesn't have these horrible things. It's perfect.
Why do I feel this way? Why couldn't the girl who I talked to just shut her mouth? If she did I havn't had to do these horrible things. Why did the janitor see what I did? Why didn't he look away? Now he can't anymore, because I did a horrible thing. Why couldn't my mom care abit more? If she did I maybe wouldn't have to do such horrible things. But all these horrible things get's washed away when I escape, to my world. In my world my mom cares. In my world the girl didn't speak. In my world the janitor doesn't have any eyes. It's perfect.
Does these horrible things make me really feel this way? I don't think so anymore. Maybe it's my dad who didn't have to abuse me so much, he also did horrible things. Maybe it's the bully from my school? He didn't have do be so mean. I maybe didn't have to do such horrible things if he were abit nicer. Maybe it's my aunt. Why is she such a whore? Maybe if she was faithful I didn't have to do the horrible things I've done. But when I escape to my world it's never my fault. My dad doesn't do any horrible things. The bully from school isn't that mean in my world. And my aunt is faithful in my world. It's perfect.
But if I didn't do these horrible things, maybe my perfect world didn't exist. Maybe I didn't have a place to escape to anymore. But I can't live without knowing I can escape to my own world. Even though these horrible things haunt me. If I didn't feel so down as I do right now I didn't have to escape. But that makes me even more down. My perfect world is what I live for. It's my world and it's perfect.