Sarandas blogg

I just became friends with my darkness,
Felt easier then fight it all the time,
I can try dance in the storm,
Or just let it eat me up,
Make me accept it.

I'm so lost,
But i know there is a way,
I just can't see it yet,
Running is what i can do,
Screaming away the darkness,
Think out other ways to see it.

I hope that i will take control over myself again,
It sure feels like it,
I still feel empty but i am looking forward the future,
I think it will get better at some point.

I medicate to survive,
Like so many others,
You are climbing up to the top,
On the people you use,
You destroy people,
Because you can't control yourself,
I medicate because of you,
You took away my chance to a life.

They say that i look at the reality to negative,
That there are good things happening,
But the most people don't know that the are the worst things in this world,
That makes me feel like this,
I am looking at the big picture,
To stop feeling sad is to take the thing that makes you sad away,
I can't look away with knowing all this misery,
I can't be happy over small thing,
Not for long,
I really wish that more people will genuinly care about more things,
And make more differense,
If we can have more understanding i think we could do better.

Every bad feeling is eating me up,
I feel it in every cell in my body,
Because it is to much,
It fills me up.

People says that i should need to focus on the happy stuff,
I explain my sad life and ask what can i really be happy of?
My memories are making it hard while it spreads like a venom,
People can't give me a logical answer.
It ends with me,
Talking about the bad things in the world,
I ask them,
What can we do to stop it?

I'm scared to loose my hope again,
It feels like i'm near the edge of loosing it,
But i make myself to hold on,
Because i really wish someday,
It will get better in the world,
I hope that someday,
People will start to change themself to the better,
Treat each other better,
We have to right?
We have to give a damn,
Change our choises,
How else can we evolve if we always think the same?

My heart is full of sorrow,
It is starting to crack,
My pierced heart is full of venom,
Spreading faster then i wanted,
It makes me sick,
And the pain makes me cry.

My brain is filled with memories,
That you created,
I remember it all,
Even in my sleep,
Your hurtfull words is what i hear,
Behind the screams,
They are worse then the abuse,
My head is filled with questions,
One of them is why.

I just wanna stand there,
On the bridge,
Waiting for the impuls,
The voice that says "jump",
Feel the cold water,
Only hear the big sea,
Then no more pain,
Ever again.

I wanna see what the world have to give,
But to what cost?
How much more of my blood does the world want?
How long do i need to suffer?
How long will it take til i'm there on that bridge?
How far away is the help?

I will fight til that day.

You close your eyes,
When i am begging for help,
When i am on the bottom of a burning well,
Crying my eyes out while they are on fire,
I hope that someone will hear me one day,
Feel my pain,
Hold me and say "i'm here for you, i will help you get up",
Drag me up,
Let me rest and let the wounds heal.

Don't leave me,
I need you more then ever before,
I can't stand on my own anymore.

I never got an sorry,
You always want me to apologise,
For things you did,
Then you don't have to.

You never changed for me,
Never felt regret for treated me like nothing,
You demanded me to change and fit in your life,
So you could have someone to bash on.

Your hurtfull words is burned into my brain,
Thing you did is showing 24/7 like a movie on repeat in my brain,
You haunt me even in my dreams,
And you still think you did nothing wrong.

You are carrying on like nothing,
And i am stuck here on the bottom,
Alone in the dark,
And counting my days.