If I wanted to die,
Would you assist in my suicide?
If I wanted to leave by blade,
Would you help drag it across my wrists,
As I fade away?
If I wanted to leave by my brothers gun,
Would you push the trigger?
I'll let you have all the fun.
If I wanted to leave by pills,
Would you count them out?
Make sure I'd leave without a doubt?
If I wanted you with me,
Would you call me crazy and leave?
If I said you could change my mind.
Would you even bother,
Or just leave me behind?
If I cried on your shoulder for help,
Would you pull me out of this hell?
If I said I couldn't live without you,
Would you say the same about me too?
Once upon a time there was a girl who just wanted to be pretty.
She starved herself, cut herself and cried every night.
She prayed and prayed it Would get better but it never did. This girl got no happy ending for the life she had lived...
I know that for sure, because this girl was...me.
Somedays i really look forward to that one. Special day when my eyes close for the last time... I hate myself .
I'm not pretty..
I'm not thin..
I'm not worth anything
I''m not wanted..
I'm NOTHING...
The list can go on forever...
It's addicting
I want to feel the sting
I get the urge
It wells up inside
Just like the tears Behind my eyes
I want to feel something!
I want to feel the sharpness
Both of the blade and of the Cold metal against my skin
What becomes of this life of sin?
My hands tremble
Each salty drop from my eyes
Rolls and falls to my knees
Translucent trails glisten down my face
A hard shell is left in my place
Do I really believe this harm will heal?
Every second
Blood rushes through my body
But one day it won't
Today could be that day
Who knows?
The chill that bites at my skin Is kissed by the warmth of my blood
But I'm so cold
Second by second
Breath by breath
I trudge
Each drop Rolls and falls to the floor
Crimson trails glisten down my wrists How much closer can I get
To Death's sweet kiss?
*I wont run, I will stand and look ahead to what I must do, I must face the fear, i won't let it control me anymore.
I will use my heart that holds my courage and bravery to move me forward to what i must do.
*It's not the goodbyes that hurt, its the flashbacks that follow.
*Sadness is just another wall that blocks you from moving on. I know it's hard to get past it,but you got to break through.
*I dont care where i get hurt, as long as my injuries are visible
Been home for about 1½ week...3 more to go.
When i stepped on that train i knew how hard this would be... and yet im back on this list...
*Feeling hopeless: Check - Its not like life is worth anything if you have no one to share it with...
*Becoming irritated for no reason: Check - - - - - - -
*Anger and frustration: Check - Why did i leave, why did i go...
*Loss of interest in favorite activities: check - Whats fun when hes not a part of it...
*Change in sleeping/eating habits: Check - Food dont taste the same anymore and trying tosleeping just make me think
The last step wont come as my only reason to live is to make him smile and be happy any harm that would come to me would make him cry and i cant hurt him...
I have told you i love you many times, and when i see that smile on your face i cant bring myself to tell you how much im hurting not to be by your side, how my heart feels broken and how empty i feel inside, how i cry myself to sleep every night... i miss you so much, please let me be strong enough to make it through these comming weeks.
Humans. . . Pawns in the everlasting game of the once with power
A means to an end to be used as we see fit, to see that we come out on top.
Expendable, Replaceable, Easy to manipulate, Weak minded fools.
This game is almost over, My pieces are in place the move is yours.
Just as predicted. . . .
Checkmate
To the winner goes the spoils and a new dawn shall come, washing away what was and a new world shall rise from the ashes.
A world Created from the ideals of its people and not a rulers ironfist
but where one curruption falls another shall rise so for a perfect tomorow we need to stay strong!
for the people we fight against a system overtaken by fear and greed
For a better tomorrow we must stand united as one!
One people! One vocie! Our chant shall never fall silent!
Spenderat 1½ månad i Stockholm hos min älskling och haft otroligt bra bättre än någonsin på många år och haft mycket tid att tänka med på mitt liv.
Jag måste komma igång med nått allt står still just nu och känns som att man inte kommer någonstans i livet, och jag har ingen framtid där jag bor en nystart skulle vara nått, allt som snurrar i mitt huvud är
"Geez levt här länge nog nu asså planerat allt för länge på att flytta måste nog snart göra slag i det med, finns inget att leva för i ett homofobiskt/transfobiskt trångsyns SD samhälle där Jantelagen styr allt.... Nått jag får ta tag i nu asså och ta mig härifrån så snart det bara går."
Men nu så blir det tebax till Stockholm efter bara 1 vecka hemma och insett att det är mer värdelösare här än jag någonsin trott.
