Ruders blogg

Nu jag har tid skriva här också. ^^ So... Jag fyllde år i går så, nu jag är 18. xD I dag jag har födelsedagsfesten. ^^ So nu jag förväntar mig att de första gästerna. ^^



Här du kan se min dress. ^^ Jag älskar min kjol och också min korsett. ^^ Vad tänkar du? (Bilden är inte bäst möjlig. xD)

Allt är inte bra... Jag bryta upp med min flickvän igen! Inte bra...

Okay, I don't know so much swedish and I haven't wrote here in a long time so maybe it's easier to write this in english... So... On Thursday we broke up and I don't know... I can smile and laugh, but then last night I just broke down... I cried and wanted to kill myself, but like you can see, here I am still. And yeah, I didn't do anything to myself and that is a very good thing.

Och på Fredag jag ska gå på Kuopio. Jag vilja bli där hela veckoslut. Jag kan inte vänta! ^^

God morgon! ^^

Det är lång tid sedan jag har skrivit här. xD Sommarlovet börjat nästan en månad sedan och nu jag arbetar i Teknos Oy till 29. av juli. ^^ Sen jag tänkte att starta bilskola. ^^

Hmmm... Jag talar liten svenska här eftersom Teknos har fabriken i Sverige i Tranemo. xD Jag gillar mitt jobb. ^^ Jag har också roliga kollegor. ^^ Jag vill inte gå tillbaka till skolan! Jag vill bli här! ;_; Men jag måste gå på skolan i augusti. ;_;

Okay, maybe that is enough svedish. xD I tryed my best again. Maybe I'll try to concentrate to my work now. xD

Hej då~! ^^

God morgon!

Idag jag går besöka min vän. ^^ De är roligt se hon. ^^ Och jag ringde hon i går och det var roligt prata med hon. ^^ Somehow it was nice to hear that she was worried of me. ^^ And also last night when I talked with my 'big sister' in msn. I just really have to say a very big THANK YOU to those two and also to other friends of mine, who has helped me. ^^<3

Yeah, I have pretty good feeling right now and I hope that it will last the whole day so maybe I can have fun with my friend. ^^ We haven't seen each other since the end December. xD Like, even if we don't talk so much sometime's and don't see each other so oftern, still we are very close. ^^ Everytime, when I call to her it make's me feel happier that I can hear her voice and tell her what's in my mind. ^^

And my 'big sister'... There was time, when we didn't talk to each other over 1 year but now we have started to talk again and it feel's very nice. ^^ I just have to say, that now I really realize how much I missed her. ;_; But it's nice to hear that she still care's about me and that I'm still 'little sister' to her. ^^<3

But now I'll go to shower and then eat something little. Then I'll go to my friend's place. ^^

Hejdå~!

Sometimes I'm really happy because I know that I have friends, who will protect me and catch me, if I fall.

Jag älskar dig<3 ^^

I can't stand this... I had again weird feeling whole day... I don't feel good anymore... I'm crying again... I don't know what to do...

I just came back home.

This whole day I have just felt bad... All the time I just had a feeling that I want to someone to take me into his/her arms... And then when I went one blog on morning I almost started to cry. Without any reason. I don't understand myself anymore. *sigh*

I was in Helsinki with my best friend and I got tickets to D's concert. ^^ D is my favorite band. ^^<3 And yeah, I have two tickets because I need to give the other one to one friend of mine who live's far from Helsinki. xD But one thing that I don't understand... When I this morning booked those tickets, just maybe 1 hour after that I started to feel sad. I don't know why... It's not normal because I should be happy that D is coming to Finland... Some day's I'm happy and some day's I'm not. *sigh* I really love D's music and I adore their guitarist Hide-zou, but still... I don't know... I really am happy that I have a chance to see them. ^^ Well... Maybe this feeling get's better later. I hope so...

*sigh* I don't know... All the time I just feel alone... Yeah, I have friends and my best friend but still... I feel empty... Something is missing... I don't want to be alone... Please... Someone... Hug me... Keep me near...

I just hope here would be someone, who could take me into his/her arms and keep me near... Tell that everything is okay and that I can let everything out... But there isn't...

Tears just tell about the pain, what I feel inside... I cry again...

*sigh* Maybe I should go to do some shopping... I don't want to stay at home but I don't want to do anything either... This is so fuckin hard... I'm not sure do I go to school tomorrow... I don't want to go but I know that tomorrow is the worst day to be away from school... Okay, maybe it's important that I go to school on Thursday and Friday because last week I wasn't in school those days so... But maybe I'll go now... Maybe I just eat something little first... Maybe...