Mörka Dikter

She was living a broken life
She thought no one cared
She always wanted to be alone
All because of a love she once shared.
He broke her heart
He made her cry
He told her lies
All this made her want to die.
She swore to the razor
She would be her best friend
She couldn't get her mind off Him
All this turned out bad in the end.
He found her dead
He read the note
He couldn't believe it
In it is what she wrote:
"I loved you
With all my heart
But all you did
Was tear me apart.
Im sorry and i still love you
I just wish you could have seen
What you did to me
Now I'm dead and only fourteen.."
He started to cry
He wanted her to know
He still loved her too
So then he though it was time for him to go.
The police found him
laying next to her
cold and bloody
with a note on the floor
It read:
"I loved you too
with all my heart
I didn't know
I was tearing you apart.
I'm sorry and i still love you too
I just wish you could have seen
How much you meant to me
Now we are together
And always will be"

I bleed,i fucking bleed
Cant you see
Look my hands look my body
It s all dirty,it s all bloody
Blood out of my veins
Everywhere i look blood stains
Blood out of my head
It s all hurting, hurting bad
Hurting me inside
Becouse all fucking feelings that i hide
Killing me slowly, so slowly so cruelly
Deep inside, i say this so truely
And now i am sitting on the edge
Hanging down with my dead legs
My soul leaving my mind
Would you be so fucking kind
Push me, push me of the roof
Let s play it heavy, let s play it rough
Thank you to put your hand on my back
Thank you for pushing me down ,so my soul can crack
So my brains can rest in peace
All infected of disease
So i can leave my body here
Now i can fly anywhere
I am like a wind
My soul is now clean
I will now dissapear
Lets make it clear
I dont wanna be on this world
I feel to fucking alone, to fucking cold
No one by my side
I am not trying to hide
I am not trying to be gone
To be dead, left alone
I am trying to get a hand
That will lay beside me on this fucking ugly land

I Made A Choose
Jump off a bridge,
Slit my wrist,
Do everything on
The suicide list.
Put a gun to my head,
A noose on my neck,
Shove those pills down my throat,
And my suicide list? Check.
They say that they love me.
They say that they care.
They say they'll be there for me,
But are they ever there?
They wear their fake smiles,
I wear my mask.
They say you're fine.
They never ask.
So, jump of a bridge,
And slit my wrist.
Im dead anyway
When you find this

Looking into your eyes
i see the pain you hide inside.
crying is your only weakness,
your painful tears make you speechless
"Just do it!
Kill youself like you said you would!"
he said "Im tired of waiting! maybe i should!"
"you cant stand to exist,
the knives the pills
you cant resist.
"Slice your wrists.
the pills make your stomach twist:
now its time, time for you to regret,
the painful memories you tried to forget.
was it worth it?
now they're flashing before your eyes.
now your remembering them as you die."
"I dont want to die." you said.
"I do not want to be dead!"
now its to late.
death is your fate.
Its been two days
since you passed away.
Everything that i said was true
even after all the pain you put me through
I will forever be cursed
with the sight of them
placing you into the hearse
I could have saved you
what have i done?
its to late now;
now that your gone
you wanted to live
i could tell
now death will forever stalk you
down in hell
I didnt think you would do it
i was just messing around
you did it silently
you didnt make a sound
you called my name
your eyes turning black
i thought that you would continue to yell
so i didnt turn back
I went to you to apologize
about all the cheating
and all the lies
but what i had seen
i could have fainted
you killed yourself
because my love was tainted
I stood there in shock
listening to the ticking of the clock
there was nothing i could do
but hate myself because i betrayed you
I loved you so.
i wanted to let you no
but it was to late
you were surrounded in blood
you killed yourself
to reveal your love
"Im sorry!" i screamed
wile holding you tight
your life was ended
with just one fight
now it was my turn
time to feel your pain
you past it on to me
i had myself to blame
regrets turn into hate
hate was my fate
The headlines read
that she was dead
she killed herself
of all her regrets
she died to forget all the memories aswell
even if it meant she was going to hell
she found him there
as miserable as can be
she looked him in the eyes
and knelt down to one knee
"I love you" she said
"I came to put this all to an end"
he said "why did you do it?
why do it now?
you could have found love again
someway somehow"
she said in a low voice
" i couldnt live without you by my side
all i wanted was to die.
I needed to be with you again
your living in my head.
now you no i love you
and its not pretend,"
she kissed his scorched lips
he held on to her hips
then they heard a loud noise
something wasnt right
the devil flew down
and got sick at the sight
he yelled and screamed, and yelled somemore
then he opened ash mountains door
"stop that this instant!" he yelled
"we'll have none of that here;
here in hell!
you broke the only rule
that love doesnt exist
now you will burn for eternity."
he said while clinching his fists
the followed the devil
to ash mountains gates
then something over-whelmed them
it was something great
a beatiful lightfloated gracefully down
out of the misty sky
the devil got scared
and ran to hide
They heard a voice
it sounded so clear
they looked around
but no one was near
"Its god" she whispered
" i wonder why hes here
maybe he came
to put the devil in fear"
The light came closer
they were both scared
maybe it was the devils jokes
all they did was stare
the great voice said
"I am god, dont follow the devils tricks
i came to tell you
that love does exist
you did your part
here in hell
i came to invite you
to where the angels dwell
you broke the curse
of forbidden love
now i welcome you
to the heavens above"
now they were happy
more than ever
knowing that they will be
together forever

My fingers twisted in the sheets underneath me,
tears smearing down the flushed curves of my cheeks.
Unable to control my sobs I collapsed forward,
why did this have to be so hard?
Wasn’t my life supposed to be mine?
Wasn’t it supposed to be fun…but it wasn’t,
at least not to me.
Every day my heart aches;
I see pain,
hear anger and feel hurt.
No matter where I go it always seems to be the same;
even my friends have had enough at times.
I want to scream, it is my life….
I chose where I go and I chose who to be.
Flipping onto my back I stare at the ceiling,
I go through these emotions almost every day.
Sure there are good times,
laughing with my friends or smiling brightly as I make some random and slightly perverted remark,
the good times are what make me go on.
Staring into the blinding whiteness of my celine I try to think of those friends I love,
they criticize me, they are harsh sometimes but they are also truthful.
That is what makes them…them.
I am not mad at being yelled at, I just wish they would understand that my life will not change because they yell,
they guilt me and make me feel bad.
My life will only change when I want it to.
Wiping at my eyes I am sure I look a mess,
though sometimes I believe I always do,
at least now I have calmed down slightly.
But still I feel the tightening in my chest,
the squeezing of my rib cages against my lungs,
it’s as if the weight of the world decide to press down and sit on my chest.
I am not the child people think I am I see the world for what it is…and what it can be.
Sitting there I can feel the darkness outside settle as night sets in,
the same way it seems to settle in my heart,
it isn’t like I blame my friends,
they think it will help…it is their personality…no I know the only one to blame is myself.
It’s a battle inside my mind, between what I should do and I shouldn’t.
Emotions are a trait of the living…it makes each of us different.
I cry when I feel pain or am happy,
I am not like other people;
everyone is different so I wish people would see that,
I wish I could live my life,
they way I want to.
But,
as I fell back onto the soaked sheets,
I knew that would be difficult and it would take awhile to let it out to the world.
Scream it at the top of my lungs,
I am me and this is how I chose to live.
But as much as I wish to do that,
it isn’t the time,
I struggle to keep on walking…the only thing keeping me from submitting is the knowledge of that what is today isn’t what will be tomorrow.
Pain comes and pain goes,
trust me I know,
I am scared but I can last out…I know I will be able to survive life.
I will survive the screams,
the tears,
the heartbreak,
I know I can…I know it but I wish someone else did.
Slipping from my cloths into my pajama’s I lay back against my headboard,
hair sticking to my soaked cheeks,
tears still glittering against my lashes. I want someone to see me, and help me through this path I am choosing.
It is difficult for someone to see,
the truth behind this facade,
but somewhere out there I know there is someone who will wipe my tears and hug me,
whisper that everything will be fine and I don’t have to worry.
As I rub my chest I give a sigh,
the pressure is residing now;
I know I will be ok.
With every fight me and my friends have, our friendship grows stronger,
I grow stronger.
My wishes will come true,
I am sure of it.
Closing my eyes I smile weakly.
I don’t understand this world,
this life,
but I am sure that I will choose the right path…at least for me.
There are so many paths I will eventually find the one for me and the person for me.
Till then I know I will survive.
Because,
as I glance out my window I see the street lights flicker on,
there is always some light in the darkness.
I smile wider,
“I will live,”
I whisper and stretch my hands up toward my cline,
“even through the pain of life.”
I know tomorrow I will feel something bad again,
maybe worse then this maybe not,
but I will surpass it…I have always made it through and I don’t plan on giving up yet,
because no matter who thinks I am,
I am no coward.

Life,
what is it?
Is it...
lies,
the pain,
destruction,
losing,
.....death?
Its been said,
life sucks.
For many.....
and it hurts.
The ones that lost a parent,
there heart was torn away....
What is she to do?
The one that changed to home schooling...
She has problems with friends.
Now she cant find any......
The one who’s friends are now doing drugs,
There losing close friends......
They change to,
smoking and alcohol
The one that is alone most of the time.
He is only known mostly threw the net....
Other than that he’s really unknown....
What’s he to do?
The one that almost died.....
I don’t have to say any more with this one.
They are in so much pain,
it hurts to think on.
i guess the question is.....
Why?
Why all this.
Will it end......
Will I or they live,
to see an other day?
Its way to hard!!!
Life hurts......
It seems we are waiting to die.
Why?
Why, you ask your self,
the tear roles down your face.
Looking at the ground,
things pass.....
you never knew what you missed.
The thing is......
We ALL almost never made it.
We ALL had our times that that was it.
We ALL were so close to death........
But we live.
Threw the pain....
Lies....
Death.....
and Destruction.
Life sucks....
It never is nor will be fun.
You scream......
This is our lives.....
These are the things we go threw.....
Drugs,
Lose of friends,
Lose of a loved one,
Panics,
Death,
and worst of all......
Suicide.......
Why?
Because you never gave up,
you kept going.
Threw the all the pain life deals.
You hurt inside but you still walk.....
You look back and see only sorrow.......
The fact is......
Your ALIVE!!!!!
Threw all the pain,
death,
destruction,
drugs,
pain,
and suicide.....
Your alive.....
You see your parent left you,
but you still love them....
There alive, and
Your alive!!!
You changed to home schooling,
you lose your friends.....
there still there, it takes time....
But.....
Your alive!!!
Your friends started on drugs.....
You look at them, they’re going to change.....
your free, you can find new ones.....
there always there, and that chance is because.
Your alive!!!
Your alone all the time.....
On the Computer.....
Cant find any one.....
well you can.
Your alive!!!
You almost ended it.....
YOUR ALIVE!!!
Life has given a second chance,
many never find this....
But the thing still is.
Your alive!!!
You can keep going!!!
you made it this far,
why quit?
Still don’t think so.....
Take this thought then.
How mature are you because of this?
How much more can you help people?
How much more do you know your self?
How much do you care?
How much do you see?
How much do you know your self?
Can you find what your looking for?
Can you find love?
Can you find your heart?
Can you believe?
Can you understand life?
Can you touch others?
Can you be trusted?
Are you strong?
Are you caring?
Are you passionate?
Are you YOU?
If you think you can’t.....
You’re sadly mistaken!!!
Because,
you can answer yes to them all.
To those that have learned from them selves....
I thank you..... but,
more importantly,
We ALL thank you.
You inspire us all,
We will fill you shoes one day.
And things will be better,
for every one that we will touch.......
This is our realm.....
some say its not worth it.
Other say we’re not worth it.
And some....... give up.
The fact to me is,
I wouldn’t have it any other way
I have found so many people,
and I care for them,
and they care for me.....
Reason to end it......
Not the question
Reason not to......
life

you bring misery upon yourself,
like a self-inflicted plague,
sitting there high upon that shelf in bright packaging that is sure to fade.
you try to attract the men with your honey,
never understanding why they fly away they get their fill,
their hunger quenched,
then leave you to work while they go with the boys to play.
you wish the tears didn't come when you close your eyes,
and that you didn't breakdown as much as you do,
but nothing has ever been the same since that stupid asshole left you.
and; i wish you knew how to be self-sufficient and content with the blessings you have known.
i wish you knew how to nod and smile and not to take the lies you are shown.
i wish you knew when to stop and listen and how to loudly scream the word no.
but mostly i wish that you would stop looking for perfection and that it's ok to be alone.
one day i will learn to shut my mouth.
i promise.
on that day i will stop stumbling along on my own ignorance,
like the whore that i am.
until then please forgive the scrapes and bruises i cause on other people as i slip and bring them down with me.
i'm just so glad it's over.
why yes, that is my head on the floor.
screaming because she's furious.
please don't do that to her anymore.
the end was supposed to feel so good.
the coming down of three hundred highs.
but it doesn't feel like it should. again, nothing goes right.
i will kill you in your sleep, and you will think you are dreaming.
when you wake up we will breathe your dying breaths together,
knowing only one of us is living,
and that the other is leaving.
you will thank me thank me thank me for being there,
by your side,
one last time,
as you die,
in your last moments of passion.
in your last fit of stupidity.
i shall play the savior,
play the superhero,
play the martyr,
one more time before that final curtain call-just like you wanted.
and,
ironically,
you will die applauding,
calling out for an encore.
you'll die for this-for us-for me-for something more…
because i'm going to kill you in your sleep.
goodbye,
i said to no one,
because it means the end.
i never have said all i wanted to you.
we never shared all of our secrets, fears,
or goals.
now this finish line we've been running towards for so long has come up sooner than we all thought it would,
and words have been left unsaid.
like goodbye.
we broke promises to each other,
we lied and stabbed and cheated and stole,
but now as we move in different directions,
we want nothing but to be close.
the irony isn't lost on me,
the bitter fact that i want to hold on to something that most the time was just a waste.
but when i had nothing else to look forward to,
i still had you.
or when i had everything more important to do,
i still had you.
and now when i need nothing and everything to be still for a few minutes,
you’re leaving.
so.
goodbye.
in case you didn't know:
it was fake from the beginning.
we answered a problem with a lie,
and now we've ended with a dream.
we do not fear death, because we are the ones who created this false reality.
and as ignorant mortals who pretend to be godless do,
we constantly find ourselves transfixed with the mirror.
i wish i could tell you that i know how superficial the life you lead has always been and that i could reveal to the foolish-naive-willing-victimized world just how often you lovingly stare into your made up lying reflection.
{to think that you so often deny that you dream of being (merely) beautiful and perfect and flawless and numb...
i know you lay idly under your godly sun,
wishing away your striking imperfection.
i know that you do not notice how utterly ungraceful your tinted shadows tend to be or how truth is most accurately conveyed through unhidden scars.
i've watched you,
painted gold and bronze,
sitting among shadows,
crying moaning sobbing pitying yourself for wasting and wanting when in the darkness no one can see the halo you have stuck above the crown.
you lament over your past and how you received the scars you now so well hide,
never realizing that you've only brightened the rips and tears in your persona,
and then wonder how i am quick to find these answers in highlighted passages.
does this 'mystery' really elude you?
you?
with your over analytical mind?
your eyes give everything away.
your past,
your present,
your future.
where you have hidden your history,
when you are going to run away,
how you can't hide all the scars.
don't sulk because i noticed.
don't avoid me because i know.
it's not my fault you can't express your problems,
besides the word "nothing,"
after being asked what was wrong or going on.
it's not my problem that they've learned to give up.
but what do you expect them to do when you pout and hide?
take pity on you and fix your broken toy,
you child,
so you can break it again?
that's not the real world.
and you know it.
stop acting like it is.
do i not always sympathize with you when no one else will?
and now,
when i have not,
you make me feel guilty and fuck with my head?
is this how you repay me for being there for you,
listening to your problems,
trying to cheer you up?
and where is this new point of view on my issues,
my posing,
my friends,
my beliefs,
my condemnation coming from,
oh possessive one?
have you felt this way all along?
don't be angry with me when i won't take that bullshit.
don't punish me and make me apologize when i'm the one who should be offended because you are able to get your way over and over again.
and that attitude-belief-behavior,
dear heart,
is written all over your eyes-your-face-your-soul.
these warning signs deem you a dangerous hazard,
and it's becoming obvious i need to learn how to stay away.
these witnesses,
they volunteered your information how you cause the accidents and make such scenes i've listened to their point of views on your issues,
your posing,
your friends,
your beliefs,
your condemnation.
i've heard where they're coming from.
i have actually listened to both sides.
and the subject of your sanity has come up more than once.
you're going to try and make good decisions.
you're going to try not to get hurt or burned.
you're going to go back down that well worn path,
and stumble over the same rocks you have before.
then you're going to dodge the consequences;
hide and crawl into a different skin;
only to go down in the same way,
in the same pattern over again.
maybe i’m naive,
and never think these things through.
maybe i’m ignorant,
for thinking i need you.
because i’m a liar,
a fool,
a bitch,
a whore.
.

My heart was in bondage I thought I could die,
But then you gave my heart wings and taught me to fly.
When I was backed in a corner and all hope was gone,
You were the faith and love that helped me move on.
When I was falling you caught me.
When others thought I was useless you still bought me.
When I was sad, lonely, and gripped with fear,
You were there to brush away every tear.
No one may know how much you mean to me,
But I can truly say that without you I’d never be.
When I was scared and wanted to run away,
You were always the one that knew what to say.
When I was hurt, you were always there to heal;
You are always concerned with how I feel.
Whenever I felt confused and alone,
You were there for me as if you had never gone.
I once wondered why you’re always there for me until the end,
But now I realize it is because you are a true friend.

My Ending
I'm giving up
I'm giving in
No more problems
I need my friends
Help me live through this
Help the healing process
Make things better
This is so hard for me
I've fought long and hard
I'm going nowhere with it all
I need some time to rest
Now that time has come
This isn't the end yet
But it will be soon
My pain may be un-ending,
But it will end too
Don't cry for me
Be happy that i was here
Think about the times we had together
and remember what i did
My tears are felt no longer
My fears are now irrelevant
These past 5 years have been my undoing
So know that it's not you fault
To you all, my friends
I give you this letter:
My last words will be known,
To everyone they'll be shown,
I will go down as a lover,
A friend..
Now they all need to know why
This had to end..