poem time :(
I remember how I was. When I had friends, family. I bet they have all moved on and forgotten me. Here I am remembering those days. Wondering if I can ever feel that comfort again. I know the reason why I left them all, but have I made my biggest mistake yet?
My heart have been hardened over time, and now it's crumbling, these feelings and emotions I've not dealt with. I push it to the side so I don't feel the hurt. Now it's exploding I'm a stranger to myself. I feel like such a fool.
I feel close enough to the edge, I feel I could just let go. I can't keep up with all this. I want to move on with my life, but I don't know how. I'm trying to be brave, trying to stand up for myself, but life continues on that downward spiral. There's no escaping in that.
When will I see the light again, there's no one taking my hand and pulling me out, I can do this alone anymore. I remember even in the darkest most volatile, places I've been in there was always someone to give me hope, weather they meant it, were good people or were aware of it or not. How did i get here? How did everything go wrong? What's the reason for all this?
When can I be free?
I don't understand anything at the moment, there is a side of life is see, I wish I could have and hold on to. I close my eyes and dream of being there in times like this, but I'm just watching a fantasy for some reason I can't gasp it, it hurts more to watch something that you can't have. I feel like i have died on the inside.
I feel like I'm loosing my mind. I just want to wake up from this mess. I want to go, I want to feel peace, I'm scared of this life, but if I never give up, what if this is for me what if life continues without a change, and this is how it is.
Maybe i got used to living like this. I just want to walk away from it all. I tried my best, maybe I did not do it right, only myself to blame. Everyday I'm thinking of the end, and why it have taken so long to get here, I wish I could forgive myself for my past, I wish I could give myself a chance to get out of this. Time is at stand still. I can't prove to myself that I can keep going, how can anyone else. It's not easy to just keep "hanging in there"