With abandon

Drifting, pressure, pain, ambition is a virtue and is pushing me to the point where i ask myself why I’m carrying this weight. What role do I play in life? Why am i only a fish in the dead stream or is there more to it, you tell me, you make sense! You've gone away and have stepped out of my life, it is difficult to believe the end is a new beginning, and your end was the fucking end. I have lost what I once loved, to believe you would still live, no, I lie to myself, you have been dead to me for a long time...Now I see you with illuminating eyes and do not recognise you, who are you? ...My god, I do not recognise you, you were everything I had and now every bit of you is an illusion. You have gone, and I still see my life on going with you. I am dead, since you have gone, I am dead, I am only an illusion. We are the quiet whisper in this storm of full loneliness, we are the quiet helpers at the skys horizon, was that suppose to be it?! I’m floating, awake the fire, awake the death, just awake something inside me, so that I can understand that I am not quite dead!