SaintOClocks blogg

GODNATT

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? - I can never know for sure, but i hope.
2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? - Yeah, I'm not even that much older so why the heck not.
3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time? - I don't remember.
4. Would you ever smile at a stranger? - I do that every know and then.
5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? - I don't belive so?
6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? - Nope.
7. What exactly are you wearing right now? ... Underwear and blanket?
8. How often do you listen to music? Every day, close by every hour. Music fills out my whole existence. My heart is made of notes.
9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? Jeans.
10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2015? - I don't know. If so, i hope it will be for the better.
11. Are you a social or an antisocial person? - Depends, really. I'm both.
12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’? - Yes.
13. What about ‘R’? - No, not as i can recall.
14. Can you drive a stick shift? - I'm not driving a stick shift, am i really? I'd say i was driving a car if that was the case. But no.
15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? - Of course.
16. Are you going out of town soon? - Uhm, maybe. I plan to make a visit in Stockholm pretty soon!
17. When was the last time you cried? - 2 days ago.
18. Have you ever told someone you loved them? - Yes. I do that often. You can never tell someone "i love you" to many times.
19. If you could change your eye color, would you? - Yes.
20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for? Yes.
21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. My day is kind of over, but i don't have anything to dislike in particular today.
22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? I suppose so? All kinds of kisses are sweet.
23. Are you dating the last person you talked to? No.
24. What are you sitting on right now? I'm not even sitting, i'm lying in my comfy bed and enjoy computer time.
25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? - I wouldn't say i hear it regulary. It happens now and then.
26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? - Yeah.
27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? - Karin.
28. Do you get a lot of colds? - No, i have a great immune system so i rarely gets sick at all.
29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? - Once again; I'm nude, okay? Deal with it.
30. Does anyone hate you? - Yes. I do. But there is probebly more who does that too.
31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? Eh, no? Why?
32. Do you like watching scary movies? I love watching horror movies.
33. Do you want your tongue pierced? - Yes, i want my tounge piercing back. But it was such a scary scenario, i don't think i dare to redo it
34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? - The year i was 12, about to turn 13.
35. Did you have a dream last night? - Not as i remember.
36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? - Yesterday or two days ago i think.
37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? - No! And i really hope not.
38. Do you think someone has feelings for you? - Yeah, i know of one certain person.
39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? No, i hope not. People should be sleeping.
40. Did you have a good day yesterday? - Nah, it was kind of boring.
41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? - No.
42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl? - How the fuck would i know?
43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? - Yeah, i've heard this.
44. What’s the best part about school? - dunno, been there - done that. It's in the past.
45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? - Yes, plenty.
46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? I used to when i was in like .. 5'th grade or something?
47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? - All the time. I have a hard time letting go of the past.
48. Were you single over the last summer? - No.
49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? - Yes and no.
50. What are you supposed to be doing right now? - Sleep i guess? But you know, fuck that.
51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? - Absolutly not, he's one of the best.
52. Are you nice to everyone? - haha, no.
53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? - I guess..
54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? 100% yes.
55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? - Yes, kind of.
56. Do you think you like someone? - I know i like someone.
57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? - No.
58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? - Most of my friends are girls, since i become really awkward around boys..
59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? - Oh yeah, a lot of them! I can be a real crybaby.
60. Do you hate anyone? I hate humanity.
61. How’s your heart? - ... Good? I think? My doctors uses to tell me it sounds alright.
62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? - A lot.
63. Have you ever cried over a guy? - Sure have.
64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? I don't have a fucking clue, but that person can shit him/herself.
65. Are your toenails painted pink? Nope, i don't paint my toenails.
66. Will your next kiss be a mistake? I hope not?
67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct? I don't enjoy seeing anyone cry, no matter the gender. It's pitiful.
68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? I think so yes.
69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? Karin.
70. How do you look right now? NUDE.
71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? Yep. And it's lovely.
72. Can you commit to one person? Yeah
73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? Yes.
74. Have you ever felt replaced? So many times i can't even count it on two hands.
75. Did you wake up cranky? - No, i'm usually just "numb" in the morning. I'm neither happy or sad or cranky.. i just.. "am".
76. Are you a jealous person? Yes.
77. Are relationships ever worth it? Worth WHAT, exactly?
78. Anyone you’re giving up on? - No..?
79. Currently wanting to see anyone? Hell to the yes.
80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? Apply for jobs.
81. Last person you cried in front of? My sister.
82. Is there someone you will never forget? Yes.
83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? Yeah, he is.
84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? You'll never know.
85. Are you over your past? No. Some parts; yes ofcourse. But far from everything.
86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? Yes.
87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? Haven't i already been asked this?
88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? Depends on wtf the apology is for?
89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? Of course. Always welcomned.
90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? I think so yes.
91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? ... I don't think so, no.
92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? There probebly is, but nobody i'm close with so i can't recall anyone persific.
93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? - No.
94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going? Hah, it kind of just ended around there..
95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March? I wasn't in a relationship with anybody in march, but i guess i was "happy"?
96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? Yup.
97. Who do you have texts from? People.
98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? "I'm happy for their sake, being loved by you." and be heartbroken in silence.
99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yes.
100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? No one, it's just me.
101. Ever kissed under fireworks? Yes.
102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? I've never experienced "butterflies". I get more like... carbonic acid in my blood system.

0: Height - 170 cm
1: Virgin? - No
2: Shoe size - 39-41
3: Do you smoke? - yeah, around a package a day.
4: Do you drink? - Yes, sometimes.
5: Do you take drugs? - Absolutely not.
6: Age you get mistaken for - I've heard all kinds of guesses, all from 17-23.
7: Have tattoos? - None yet.
8: Want any tattoos? - Oh yes! A lot.
9: Got any piercings? - The only one I got at the moment is my industrial in my ear.
10: Want any piercings? - One in each collarbone, some in the lips, and maybe in the eyebrow.
11: Best friend? - I got some. But Aki is my absolutely best and closest one. I love you.
12: Relationship status - Single
13: Biggest turn ons - Dominance, deep raspy voices, body art.
14: Biggest turn offs - Body hair, and people with a lot of muscles.
15: Favorite movie - Edward Scissorhands.
16: I’ll love you if - You're fun, intelligent and kind.
17: Someone you miss - My homies in Stockholm. I love those little fuckers.
18: Most traumatic experience - I got plenty to choose from..
19: A fact about your personality - I'm mostly awkward, a bit of a loner that almost never let someone in, but when I do I'd die for them.
20: What I hate most about myself - Everything, more or less.
21: What I love most about myself - The fact that I'm very faithful lover and loyal friend.
22: What I want to be when I get older - I wish to be a musician.
23: My relationship with my sibling(s) - I got two 7 years elder twin sisters, and they're among the greatest thing I have in life.
24: My relationship with my parent(s) - My relationship with my dad is complicated but we've started to get along lately.
25: My idea of a perfect date - I don't have a slightest clue.
26: My biggest pet peeves - I'm not sure I get this one..?
27: A de&s;cription of the girl/boy I like - Caring, kind, lovable in every single way. The problem is that he can't see this himself.
28: A de&s;cription of the person I dislike the most - I dislike humanity.
29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend - Simply because I thought they'd hate me if they knew the truth.
30: What I hate the most about work/school - I've graduated but I used to hate being around the messy people, and study.
31: What your last text message says - "Skagentoast"
32: What words upset me the most - When people I worship says "You don't care anyways, you just pretend to."
33: What words make me feel the best about myself - When people find they can entrust me with things.
34: What I find attractive in women - I'm bisexual but I don't have an ideal women like I have an ideal guy..
35: What I find attractive in men - Deep raspy voices, being tall, creativity, intelligence, being kind of "mysterious"..?
36: Where I would like to live - Shibuya, Tokyo, Japan.
37: One of my insecurities - Too many to pick from..
38: My childhood career choice - I wanted to be an musician.
39: My favorite ice cream flavor - DON'T YOU GET ME STARTED ON ICE CREAM. I LOVE IT TOO MUCH. I LOVE EVERYTHING.
40: Who wish I could be - Myself, and feel happy about it.
41: Where I want to be right now - In Stockholm to hang out with my babes.
42: The last thing I ate - Candy!
43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately - Ruka, drummer of Nightmare. He is basically my dream man.
44: A random fact about anything - ... I watched a movie with Aki where a girl ate rotten meat with maggots. She had phobia for meat. It made me cry a little. I also saw something amazing this night. Like a falling star, but it was neon green?!

..And i don't give a fuck.

Hälsade på sjukis Aki igår som ligger i influensa, boohoo. Stackars liten!
Är glad att jag har bra immunförsvar så jag slipper bli smittad.
Dessutom var jag nyligen sjuk själv så chansen till att jag skulle bli
smittad är typ 0,01.

Blev kvar över natten och kom i säng runt tre, och sen upp igen 07:30 (okej, jag drog mig faktiskt till 07:50)
för att gå på möte hos arbetsförmedlingen 09:00. Fick segaste och den mest oartiga personen att snacka med.
Eller ja, snacka med. Han satt typ tyst i 5 min mellan varje sak han sa och frågade inget. Han hälsade heller inte
när han mötte upp mig i entréen. Och jag som redan är awkward runt myndighets folk, det gjorde inte saken bättre.
Satt och rullade tummarna i 20 min typ.

Jag saknar mitt Stockholms gäng. Toh och sina outburst om allt och inget, Catti's söta skratt och Love's twerking.. wait.
Ja, Love. Det är det enda jag saknar med dig. Din röv. Mhm. Vad sa du nu då? Okej va. Ignore that.
Jag saknar mina homies helt enkelt, för dom är bäst.

Nu tänker jag gå och sova ett tag till, innan jag återvänder till Aki som förhoppningsvis vaknat tills dess.

Cheerios ~ !

Så har man beställt Nightmare's senaste singel
DIZZY + medföljande MV DVD av "High I'm Roller"
Som beräknas komma på posten om 1-2 veckor.

a) Det blir min första Nightmare skiva i samlingen
b) ...I just bought porn, ehehe... dat MV.

Hade ett väldigt inspirerande samtal igår med en nära vän. Sakarna som sades var inte mer annorlunda än vanligt. Hade hört allt förr. Insåg att det krävs bara rätt person vid rätt tid för att de ska gå in.

Så från och med idag ska jag börja gå upp innan tio, ta en morgonpromenad och ev. kvällspromenader, och ta tag i mina matvanor osv. Ska på nytt försöka jobba mig till ett självförtroende, som sen länge haft semester. Inget kan utlova att jag lyckas denna gång eller nästa heller. Saken är att jag ska aldrig ge upp igen.

"If you think of yourself as dirt, you are dirt. You are what you choose to be."

Efter samtalet låg jag och tänkte och lyssnade på musik, hittade en gammal låt i min favoritlista på youtube och chockades över det. Hade hört den förr, men efter samtalet fick den en helt ny innebörd och jag kommer hålla den nära hjärtat från och med nu. Texten påminner mycket om vad som sades oss emellan, och kommer vara support när inte personen i fråga kan vara det.

Vi kan alla jobba för oss själva och bli en starkare individ.
Önska mig lycka till.



(skrevs ut på fb med men för de som inte såg eller som inte har fb, ni förtjänar att veta att jag ska växa som människa ni med. Hah)

Det var en gång en rysk, kyro's inre tysk och en bellman..
Dom gjorde inte så mycket.
För vad gör man med en tysk som bara kan säga ja & nej?
Samt ursäktar sig lite diskret på spanska.


Har förövrigt gjort min debut.
Det är lite utav en... sommarplåga.
Sätt er i skuggan, luta er tillbaka mot en trädstam och slicka lite extra på glassen, för här har ni den...

Sommarplågan 2013;

SMOKING SEAWEED

Your Loli/Shota side:

[/] You tilt your head when you’re confused.

[x] You love sweets and cute things.

[x] You are often confused and lost in conversations with your friends.


[ ] You blush simply thinking of sexual things.

[x] People often call you cute.

[x] You care a lot about your friends.

[x] You embarrass yourself a lot with silly question or statements.

[x] You like bright, soft colors.

[/] You enjoy listening to cute, sweet, gentle songs.

[ ] You add things to the end of your friend’s names

[/] People often say “aww” when you’ve done something clumsy/silly.

[x] You like anime/movies about romance, love and friendship.

Total: 8½

Your Tsundere side:

[x] You come off as tough and confident on the outside, when you are actually soft and emotional on the inside.

[ ] You often hide your true feelings for someone.

[ ] You are caring but deny it when someone tells it to you.

[x] You are protective.

[x] When someone bugs you, you tell him or her right away strongly, but are still on the inside worried that you’ve hurt him or her.

[x] You are easily embarrassed.

[x] Compliments make you feel awkward and you always deny them.

[ ] You tease and bully the one you love to hide your feelings.

[x] You can be violent at times.

[x] You may hurt people a lot, but regret it right away.

[ ] When people say Thank You, you often reply by saying it was for yourself

[ ] You never cry in front of others.

Total: 7

Your Yandere side:

[/] You are often loving, caring, sweet - until someone upsets you badly.

[ ] When angry, you’re normally hiding it until the time for revenge is right.

[x] You can at times, be obsessive.

[x] People have said you are “two-faced”.

[x] People tell you you’re nice, but can be creepy at times.

[x] You scare the crap out of your friends when you get upset.

[x] People find it weird to see you anything other than gentle and smiling.

[/] When you’re upset, sometimes you still smile, even when saying something harsh.

[/] You can get very violent.

[ ] You love to help people, but often love to help yourself more.

[ ] You like slow, sweet, but twisted songs.

[x] You like colors like dark blue or light red.

Total: 7½

Your Kuudere side:

[ ] You don’t show your emotions to others.

[ ] You hide your true feelings.

[x] When you become close to someone, you slowly open up.

[ ] Although you don’t show it, you are easily made happy.

[ ] You care for others a lot, still you don’t show it.

[ ] People think you are mysterious.

[x] You can be shy.

[ ] You aren’t very loud, rather silent.

[x] You know who to trust and who not to.

[x] You choose your friends wisely.

[x] You like simple colors, like light purple or white.

[/] You are rather mature.

Total: 5½

Your Dandere side:

[x] You are a shy person.

[ ] You are quiet and don’t speak up for yourself.

[x] You look down instead of straight forwards when walking.

[ ] You sometimes go to extreme levels just to get out of public speaking.

[x] You have stage fright.

[/] You are stoic and not very open.

[x] You hide yourself with your hair at times.

[/] Your face starts boiling when speaking with others.

[ ] You speak very quietly in case you say something silly or you sound weird.

[x] You are afraid of meeting new people.

[/] You are a hard worker.

[x] You do not have as many friendships as others, but those you do have, you cherish very much.

Total: 7½


... HAHA. Loli desu yooooo~

Jag jobbade mitt sista pass i lördags på Bråvalla, och först nu tror jag att jag sovit igen allt! Haha.
Jag har ju lite problem med mycket människor och massa intryck på samma gång. Och jag hade aldrig varit på Festival innan, jag hade aldrig jobbat i bar tidigare, och Bråvalla sålde slut i slutet av Fredagen, så sammanlagt var det 51.590 besökare på Bråvalla. Helt otroligt. Men ja, så i korthet; alla intryck och allt kom och trötta ut mig när jag äntligen hade tid att känna efter på det. Så skönt att det är över, men jag längtar ändå tillbaka, haha. ; n ;

Dessa tre dagar har fått mig dra in 6500-7000 kr om jag räknat rätt, det märks den 25'e när lönen trillar in.
Jag blir så förvirrad för jag har aldrig haft så mycket pengar och jag sitter nu och bah "Vad ska jag göra med allt..?!". Närcon är redan betalt och kirrat, och efter en dag på Getaway Festival i Gävle har jag ändå pengar över. Funderar på att tatuera mig, men vet inte vilken av alla idéer jag vill börja med. Men jag lutar åt att köpa mig ett PS3 med. Och överväger att köpa en jävla massa kläder..! Omfg, livet när pengar får en känna sig obegränsad. fuuuu ~

Men hur som helst; Längtar så sjukt mycket efter Närcon! Och eftersom jag saknar Stockholm rätt så jätte mycket så ska det bli kul att träffa Toh och Love där när det är dags! Gud. Min kärlek för Närcon är odödlig.
Det konventet är lite som "hemma" för mig. Så fruktansvärt bäst.

Btw överväger jag att göra något helt nytt med mitt hår, men jag vet inte vad. Varken färg eller frisyr. Efter att jag blekt håret så jävla mycket på senaste så är det helt kaos och hur mycket inpackning jag än kör vägrar det bättra sig. Så jag har övervägt att klippa det kortare och raka under-cut. Men vadfan vet jag, jag passar inte i kort, har så jäva runt ansikte. Aaaaargh, får panik. Har ni något lösning får ni gärna berätta!